You know who this is

NEW YORK CITY (FNN 24/7) -- Thousands gathered outside the United Nations and Columbia University Monday to protest the appearance of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Many protesters carried signs, nearly all of which were misspelled.

Signs such as "Akkmadidadood = EVIL," "Ackmoodidajob is Worse Than Moosaleenee," and "Yabbadabbadoodyhead is a Hollowcost Denyer," reflected both the passionate opinions people hold about Iran's leader and the reality that he has a difficult to spell last name.

Several signs contained crossed-out attempts, most which ultimately referred to him as some variation of "Iranian Guy." One sign spelled his name correctly, but erroneously insisted that he "Go Back to Egypt."

"I can't believe we're giving a man who allows no voices of dissent in his own country a forum to speak in ours," said New York City Council Speaker Christine Quinn. "What's next? Will we tell Chairman Meow he can speak here too?"

A reporter waits to talk to Craig one on one

WASHINGTON (FNN 24/7) -- Idaho Senator Larry Craig said he's seeking the dismissal of a Senate ethics committee complaint against him on Wednesday, making several gestures consistent with seeking sex as he made the announcement.

"I have done nothing wrong, and hopefully once the case stemming from the incident in Minneapolis is dismissed, that will become clear," said Craig, casually gesturing to a partially obscured area behind some nearby bushes.

"To show I'm serious, I will resign my Senate seat if I fail to withdraw my erroneously entered guilty plea by Sept. 30," he said, stretching out the 'r' sound in "erroneous" as he tipped his head in the direction of the clearing.

"If that sounds like something you'd be... interested in," he added meaningfully, raising his eyebrows and gesturing more furtively.

After his announcement, Craig said he would be available for any follow-up questions "over there, behind those bushes."

Could our genetic code justify segregation? Racists say "yes."

NEW YORK (FNN 24/7) -- A new study indicates humans are not as identical as previously thought when it comes to the billions of building blocks that make up each individual's DNA, a finding which pleased America's racists to no end.

"Well, well, well," said Maywood, California racist Dickie James. "Looks like we're not all equal after all."

Studies in 2001 concluded the DNA of any two people was about 99.9 percent alike. The new study suggests estimates of 99.5 percent to just 99 percent.

"Hear that? .04 to .09 percent different," said Hazleton, Pennsylvania auto mechanic and racist Bill Glover. "That sounds like grounds for repealing voting rights."

When it was pointed out the differences in DNA would also exist between people of the same race, including whites, Glover said, "That sounds like something a Jew would say."

Pentagon: This glass isn't "empty," it's "full of air"

WASHINGTON (FNN 24/7) -- The Pentagon has asked that parts of a congressional audit of progress in Iraq be revised so that the report doesn't "sound so gloomy."

"We feel the wording of the Government Accountability Office report could be changed to reflect the progress that is being made," said Pentagon press secretary Geoff Morrell.

For example, Morrell said the report concluded 11 of the 18 benchmarks set to judge the Iraqi government's performance haven't been met. "What if instead of that, they said seven of the benchmarks had been met? See the difference?" he said.

Officials at the White House agreed, saying the GAO report was unrealistic because it only assigned "pass or fail" grades to each benchmark.

"What if we adopted a grading system like they use in Canadian schools?" said White House deputy press secretary Dana Perino. "Where it's not based on some rigid number or letter, but more of how well you feel you did?"

Perino added she was "pretty sure" she'd heard somewhere that Canadian schools did that.

A New Orleans resident patiently waits for the government

NEW ORLEANS (FNN 24/7) -- New Orleans marked the second anniversary of Hurricane Katrina Wednesday, though many residents of the Gulf Coast region felt slighted that no one from the federal government showed up as promised to acknowledge the occasion.

"I'm not sure if we should wait or just start without them," said resident Robyn Olds, on hand for a groundbreaking ceremony at a memorial for still-unidentified victims.

"Oh, shoot," said President Bush, when reminded of the anniversary. "That was today, wasn't it."

To make up for his absence, the president had someone call his cell phone - which he set to a chime ring to symbolize the sounds of bells tolling for the dead.

"Obviously, some mistakes were made," said government spokesman Aaron Walker. "We hope to learn from what happened today so that our response will be faster when future anniversaries occur."

The Meng Brothers

BEIJING (FNN 24/7) -- Two Chinese brothers who spent six days trapped in a collapsed mine say although they almost died and had to claw through nearly 70 feet of coal and rock to reach the surface after efforts to save them were abandoned, surviving by eating coal and drinking their own urine, all in all it wasn't that bad.

"There were days I was so weak it hurt to weep," said Meng Xianyou. "My cracked lips could barely mouth a curse to God for leaving us in that hellish nightmare of darkness to die."

"I was really focused on the negative. In retrospect I can see it was also sort of fun."

"We both made a promise that each would eat the other if he died first," said his brother Meng Xianchen. "I wanted to cry, but no tears could come because I was so dehydrated, and sobbing just racked my empty stomach with pangs of agony like knives stabbing into me."

"I think about it now, and I just have to laugh," he added.

The Meng brothers admit they were very lucky, especially considering China's mines are the deadliest in the world. "Mine accidents kill an average of thirteen workers a day," said Meng Xianyou.

"Yes, seems like everyone you love dies alone in the darkness," said Meng Xianchen, barely able to get the words out through fits of uncontrollable laughter.